Therapy for my sons and realizing the sad truth

As usual I get invited on a date and I chicken out. No reason other than myself. The girl was attractive, she seemed nice and she knew what it was like to be a single parent. However, I recently had to take my kids into therapy, and it has been a hurdle I can’t get over. In fact, I think I might stay single for a long time.

My kids have come to me for at least a year telling me everything their mother and her boyfriend do or say. They feel neglected, they bad mouth me saying some outlandish lies including saying I don’t love my kids. It has been bad. I can see it bothers them and they want it to stop. The one time I tried to say something without pointing fingers it is, yet again, my fault for all of it. I had no choice but to put them into therapy.

The sad thing is I’m back into therapy. I started to have nightmares again of certain incidents in my life and I felt like I couldn’t help my children. They needed someone that was neutral. I have never said anything bad about their mother to them, but I was afraid I was going to slip when I hear they are telling my kids I used to hurt her or how I’m black mailing her somehow. The whole situation stinks, and I don’t have a lot of control, but I’m doing what I can for them.

I had almost thought last night that I had wish my ex and I stayed together. I know, I know…that is terrible. That woman hated me, ha. Honestly, she didn’t love me and now I understood why for years people were telling me to divorce her. She really didn’t care about me. I believed she liked me but realized late she made a mistake. I wished it because I miss my sons so much and if it meant being with someone who hated me, I would be fine with it. But what would that teach my kids?

She is with a man that I saw call her a loser when his wife found out about their affair. That was eye opening for me to see the person that he was and from what people have already told me he is an asshole. I wish I could keep people like that away from my boys, but the world isn’t fair like that sometimes. Right now, I need to focus on them and only them for now.

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