Last week I had gotten really good news. It was so unexpected and it brought me so much joy. I knew it was going to change my life and my son’s lives as well. I couldn’t have been happier and it continues until this morning. A friend called to tell me another close friend of ours had just passed away. We weren’t in much contact this passed year, since I was dealing with so much crap, but he was someone I still thought about a lot.
At first I laughed when I heard the news. Because the first thing that popped into my head was all the great times we had. He was such a goofball of a person. He was hard headed, but had a huge heart. Our time in the military had so many funny moments, so I couldn’t help but laugh. However, seconds later I was crying. I’m still crying. I cry because we will never again share a drink. We’ll never get to talk about the things that we loved or what pissed us off that week. I cry for his son that was cut off from someone that loved him so much.
I had actually talked to him about two weeks ago and we were supposed to catch up. This news was a punch in the gut for me. I could have called him more. I could have said more to him and been there for him during these troubling times. I feel guilty. He was the only person for almost ten years that knew what had happened to me in the military. I knew I could trust him because he experienced similar things. I didn’t have to feel shame or guilt with him. He helped me a lot, and now I can never return that favor. He was an activist, a father, and a friend to so many. I’ll never forget him.