The other day my kids and I were watching the Infinity War movie, if you haven’t seen it yet I recommend it because it was really good. Anyway, there was a certain part that dealt a lot with using the words love and hate. I try to tell my kids to be careful with those two words. People use them often and honestly don’t really grasp the true meaning of them.
When my oldest asked me if I ever really hated anyone I kind of hesitated at the question. Does he need to know that I hate this person? Is there any real reason to hate someone? I calmly told him yes, and of course, the questions poured in. Does he know them? When did it happen? Why do I hate this person?
Overall, I explained as little as I could on the subject. I was in the Navy and this person decided to make my life a living hell for two years. It changed me as a person, and at first I didn’t hate him, I wanted to know why. Why did he spend so long doing the things he did to me. Getting others to do it to me as well. I still don’t know why.
I had looked him up almost two years ago and hadn’t said a word to him in about six, at that time. I could have maybe had closure or tried to get him to understand what he did to me, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I knew his reputation and realized it would have been useless. People say you shouldn’t hold on to hate like this, but sometimes you can’t push it away. I used to have dreams of killing him. Or just ruining his life like he did to mine.
I know the idea of killing someone is wrong, but it is always easier said than done. I’m not even sure what I would do if I ever saw him again or if he even came to me just to apologize. Could I forgive him? He changed me as a person for so long and I couldn’t deal with everything because of my surroundings back at home. I’m not sure I can forgive him or myself for the situation I was put in. And it might haunt me forever.