Religion is always a hot button issue. Well, I think politics is the worst subject to discuss with strangers, but religion would be a close second. Regardless of the respect you give the other person they usually take your words as if you stabbed them in the heart with it. It is understandable though. Life itself is so confusing and death is even more mysterious and frightening. Last year was interesting because I came back to my religion. I felt like I was missing something in my life, but I think now it was more with dealing with unfinished business.
When I left my faith the first time I was angry. Not so much at just religion, but everything. Myself more than anything. During last year I did a lot with my religion. I didn’t dive right in, but I did what was normally wanted from most people. However, as time went on I realized I wasn’t really believing it as much as I wanted. I didn’t agree with a lot of the “values” that were part of it and overall I didn’t see myself in it. I was scared again. Scared of what people would think of me and where I would be again in my life.
When I decided this time to walk away from this type of thing for good I wasn’t angry like I was before. I wasn’t there to blame or to even argue about it. I explained to my kids my reason, told them I would always respect their choices in life and that was it. I think I needed to do this the right way. Not how most people leave or even start believing in a faith with pointing fingers and hateful words. Looking into yourself, following your own path and respecting the choices of others. That is actually a hard thing to do, for everyone. We want to say we do it all the time, and sometimes we do, but not as much as we would probably admit.
Overall, this is something I’m glad I’m doing and glad I was a part of. It is part of the human experience in a way. I’m still somewhat of an agnostic. There could be something grand, incredible or jaw dropping in such a huge universe. Do I think it is a “God” like many believe on this planet? No. None of it makes sense and it contradicts its own rules and beliefs. But there could be something like it out there. Who knows. I probably will never see it, so I’ll spend my life trying to be the best person I can be.