I recently went out on a date and the one thing I hate is when people ask about my ex. I guess I can’t blame them though, it is bound to come up due to how much I talk about my kids. I love those little devil’s, so they didn’t just come from nowhere. When I give them the nutshell of what happened people always feel sorry for me, but I don’t want that because it changed my life for the better.
I remember my ex telling me she still loved me, that we just needed a break and how great of a guy I was. I later saw with my own eyes her talking about me being a loser, laughing about cheating on me and her own family agreeing with it. I also found out who my real friends were. People that I thought I could talk to just brushed me aside and didn’t care about me.
But I needed all this, sadly. Going through a year of unbearable emotional and physical pain changed me. It helped me to look at my life and to realize I needed to change. I wasn’t around the right people and I wasn’t going to get any help unless I pushed forward myself.
This year, even when the bad happens, I take it one step at a time. This post isn’t about me crying about last year, it is about me learning that these bad things will happen. No matter how hard we try it will sneak in, it just will, so how we act on it shows who we really are.
The one thing I wish I could change, the thing that makes my heart ache is not seeing my kids more. If I could be with them every day, if there was some way to get that, I probably wouldn’t hesitate, but there isn’t. Monday, the day I get them is the best day of the week for me and Friday the full day I lose them is always the most devistating.
So at the end of the week I use my weekends to figure myself out more. Almost meeting myself for the first time. The first year I can finally be myself.