I went shopping the other day with my boys and a woman came up to tell me how cute they all were. She said they must have gotten their cuteness from me. When she said that I was taken back a bit by it because this wasn’t the first time I was complimented this year. In fact, the past few months I’ve been feeling good about myself and it is possible people have noticed. It is shocking because for years I had slowly become so hollow as a person I can see why no one wanted to actually compliment me. There was nothing of me to be proud of and I could see it from my family and friends.
The start of the year I remember someone telling me frequently how pathetic I was. The first few months I could probably agree with that to a point. I was falling apart and I had no one to be with me besides my kids and they were gone half the time. I had a lot of time to self-reflect on what I wanted and who I wanted to be in my life. When I figured it out I changed myself so much that even my own family members didn’t recognize me. It was a good feeling. That confidence that was beaten out of me was now back.
I’m constantly told how much my ex doesn’t love me anymore. How I need to just find someone that does love me and feel good about myself. I’m still in love with her, so that isn’t much of an option. I’m not looking for a rebound or someone to make me forget her. I’d rather just let time help me to move on, but it has been nice these past few months being hit on. Granted they have been somewhat awkward and one of them was married who even knew my ex and myself, but I want to just be happy with who I am as a person.
Oddly enough I am happy. There is a lot of crap happening that I wish I could control or fix, but even with all of these issues I’m happy. I know I can’t have everything I want in my life and there are things I’ll just have to push through, but so far I know I’m heading down the right path. The path I know that will make me a happier and a healthy person.