Letters From The Dead

The past few weeks a lot has happened to me and I honestly couldn’t explain half of it. The one thing I have taken from it is that we will all die one day. Yeah, I know I’m not speaking any new knowledge here, but we are all going to die. However, with the recent health of my grandfather and knowing that with my family and friends I may never get a real chance to say goodbye to them I felt something needed to be done. The thought is scary not because I’ll die, but they won’t know my true feelings for them.

I’m currently in the process of writing a letter to everyone that has held a place in my heart. When I first sat down to write everything I needed to make the list of people I wanted to send this to. At first I thought the list would be short and I was a little taken back on how many people I wanted to write this for. Did they feel the same way about me? Would they even care that I did this with them on my mind? The weird thing is I’ll never really know.

The first three letters were of course for my children. When I started to write them out I made it seem I was talking to them like it was an everyday thing, but I realized later that when they read this I won’t be there. It won’t be like every day. It will be one of the worst days of their lives. I don’t want to seem all doom and gloom, but at the same I need to make sure that every word I put down is valuable to them.

The next were for my parents. I know that if they had to read this it would break their hearts because what parent would ever want to read the last thoughts their child had? I could never even fathom it, but it needs to be said. We like to think the bad things that happen to us when we were younger were our parents fault, but when you become a parent you realize more every day that life sometimes gives you a crappy hand.

After that I knew I needed to say something to my ex-wife and her mother. Spending twelve years together and going through such a terrible divorce really turned my life upside down with both of them. I still loved them so much and still to this day I don’t want to get the divorce, but I know it is going to happen no matter what. It is possible they won’t care what I have to say, but what I put down brought me some ease.

After family came friends and I still have so much more to do. I think I’ll be writing at least fifteen of these this month and updating them as I go on. It is nice to see how I feel about a person. Each one has given me ups and downs. They have molded the person that I am and I have to be grateful for that because I like the person that I am.