If you have followed my blog, you’ll know that I have PTSD/depression. I had it for years and now that I’ve finally learned how to control it I’ve hit a brick wall in my healing. When I started to really focus and understand my surroundings it was like waking from a coma. I’m currently going through an unwanted divorce when my wife left me, but my kids and I have a stellar bond together. However, the one issue I have now is I don’t know who I am anymore.
Honestly, I sometimes look at a stranger in the mirror and it isn’t actually bad. I’ve lost fifty pounds this year and I like the person I’m becoming, but the things I enjoyed before aren’t really satisfying. I used video games as a way to hide myself from my issues and it became an even bigger problem that went out of control. Now, I hardly play them at all and if I do it is more of a social thing with friends. I lost my vice, the thing I would run to for everything is no longer here. It is scary and exciting all at the same time.
There are some hobbies that I’ve gone back to that I loved before. Guitar would be the main one along with basketball as well. There are other hobbies I could dive back into, but I feel like there is something in me that is missing. Or maybe it isn’t missing? Maybe I need to find something new? There are so many things I can do right now and learn from that I can explore. And I can’t lie when I say that does scare me, but who knows, maybe it can help me grow even more.
I’ve decided to start looking into any type of hobbies or adventures I can take for myself and with my kids. I’ll more than likely do it for a while and record my experiences with it. It could be as small as trying to get into watching a sport on TV to rock climbing. Who knows what I’ll find within myself by doing these things.