I used to dread having anything in my life change. For many others, too, it’s because they are comfortable where they are currently at with themselves. But I’m uncomfortable no matter what. When I finally snuggle myself into something and finally feel safe within, I dread the inevitable change that will come. And it will come. No matter what you’re doing in life, it’s going to change and there is nothing we can do to stop it. We either except it and find a way to make ourselves better, or we let it drag us down, sometimes even kill us.
Last Sunday, I did my weekly ritual of meeting a stranger at Five Guys. The man I picked looked like someone I would not have a pleasant conversation with. You know how they tell you not to judge a book by its cover? Well, that is used for people that may look odd or different, pretty much not normal by the standards of society. We should get to know them before we judge them harshly.
However, in most cases that’s bullshit. The whole point of a cover is to get a general idea of what you are about to read. If you are into romances you aren’t going to pick up the book with bloody hooks and a shadowy figure in the background, are you? Well, that’s a different topic if you are into that. Anyways, he told me no, and just laughed at the idea. Like I said, he seemed like an ass to begin with, and he was, so I’ll kind of take that as a win.
When I sat there alone eating and pondering about the circumstances in my life, I decided there needed to be a change. Nothing small, either. It needed to be something huge. Recently, my health has been slowly getting worse. I have no actual sleeping schedule due to taking care of my kids and working ten hour nights four days a week. I’ve been getting sick more than I probably should, and the lack of sleep makes it hard to muster together any real energy. And to top it all off the stress of finical issues isn’t doing well with my brain either.
The Five Guys idea, while I love it, needs to be put on hold. I need to kick the junk out of my life right now. I need to get back in shape, and I need to just feel better overall in mind and spirit. That doesn’t mean I want to stop this blog, but it does mean I need to take it in another direction. It started out as a way for me to cope with my wife walking out on me. Now that that issue is over I want to use it for self-reflection. Possibly a way for me to find new experiences and things to love.
This year started out as the worst of my life, something I thought I couldn’t recover from. Now it is looking to be my best because I’m trying to take every disadvantage I have on my plate and learn from it in order to take back my life. I’m hoping that by sometime next year I can truly look back on this and just smile.