For some people religion is the world to them, it is how they view it and interact with everything around them. Others, well, they can view it as nothing more than fairy tales written by people who didn’t understand basic things in life. Regardless of which side you fall under it is safe to say that you have a friend who has some form of religious background and holds it dear to them. We tend to already know what the person is going to be like the second they tell us what religion they are.
For myself, I am not a religious person at all, but the person I love is in tune with hers. I guess the question that is rattling in my mind is can you have a healthy relationship when you both are on other sides of the spectrum? There are dating sites dedicated for just the person’s religion alone because people are afraid of this topic. However, we tend to forget people can change as well.
I tried hard to be a part of the religion that my wife held dear to her heart. I did all the steps that was required and took part in everything. It was a lie though. There is one thing you should never do no matter how bad you think it will help them, but lying in your marriage will destroy it no matter what. I didn’t care for it at all and I soon started to become afraid it would tear us apart. My depression didn’t help either, but the overall hate I started to build up for her faith wasn’t healthy.
I started to disrespect her religion and whether people want to think it or not that was belittling her as well. For myself I didn’t care what happened to me in this life or if there was something beyond this, I wanted to be with her. That was how I viewed it, but my religion didn’t come with rituals or anything you should be against. I just loved my wife. Hers did though. She said later on she didn’t care if I was a part of it or not, but I can never be sure on that.
Some would tell me to really sit down and pray about it. I know I shouldn’t make a joke on a serious topic, but when you use the same strategy of having faith that I use on my kids about believing in Santa Clause you aren’t going to get far in it.
But can you really have a healthy relationship with someone who thinks the exact opposite in terms of a God or heaven? Yes, I believe in that. It does depend on the religion though. I would get into arguments on both sides with this, but I really believe this. For me, I can’t imagine a God that everyone says is all knowing and loving that wouldn’t see the love I had for my family regardless of my state of mind or rather I believed in “it” or not.
Marcus Aurelius said it best,
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.”
This all depends on the country you live in though. Secular nations are more opened to the idea of being liberal with their beliefs, but there are those that take them seriously to the point where they won’t talk to you or may even kill you because of it. If that is the case though you have bigger issues to worry about.
I should have been honest with her from the start. She wasn’t a hateful person and I never considered her dumb for having a belief in a higher power. However, my actions made it look like I did. It was one of the many wrenches that was thrown into the cog of our marriage.
Minds can be changed and our way of life can be altered based on our surroundings. I should have just supported her more in it. I made this mistake with her, but I won’t do that with my children. They know my stance on this, but they also know I support any decision they make. I could care less what leap of faith they take. I just want them to know that I’m there for them for their ups and downs no matter what. They try to get me to believe in it with them and I kindly turn it down, but at the end of the day we tell each other how much we love one another.
Isn’t that what is comes down to? I loved her so much and all I had to do was just support her as a husband should, as anyone should when they want to support their loved ones. Yes, you can still have arguments or disagreements in this situation, but that doesn’t mean the love has to fade. In the end though I should be respectful because I’m human, not because someone I love is religious. It is too short a life to fill myself with hate anymore.