When you’re on the verge of a divorce and both parties have had enough it is usually a relaxing feeling to get it all done and over with. You had enough and they have had enough, so it is time to call it quits. However, when one side doesn’t see it coming or is trying to put a stop to this disaster from going even further it can cause a lot of strain on the mind and body.
When my ex-wife told me she wanted the divorce I thought I saw it coming, but I didn’t realize how broken the marriage had become. At first I thought we could try to mend our issues and get through it stronger. My depression had blinded me. The next few months broke me down and it helped me to realize that I wasn’t playing the same game as her any longer.
When you are still in love with someone and find out that they haven’t really felt that way towards you in years it can definitely leave a lot of bitterness in them. They may still love you, but they are over with you. People will stay for the kids, maybe feel divorce just isn’t right or they are afraid of what others will say. Either way when they stay with someone they haven’t felt a strong love for years by the time it is done they are already miles ahead of you on the divorce. For them their happiness is becoming a reality because they are now separating from the problem, but yours is just starting.
I’m going to give some advice from my own personal experiences these past few months. The things I tried to do did not help me at all and it only hurt me in the long run. Now, remember, this advice I’m giving you is from the point of view where the other person is done with you.
I always wanted to reach out to my ex and try to feel something from her, but it only back fired on me. Before she left she did everything she could to not be near me or to let me see her. By the time she was out of the house I wouldn’t even get a genuine smile. She would tell me how happy she was being away from me.
They are going to tell you things you don’t want to hear and to make it clear how distant they are from you when it comes to feeling any they had with you before. This can be extremely damaging and bring you down really quick. I would avoid any contact at all if it is possible for you. I have children with mine, so I try to keep everything in text or email if I can. I used to try to talk to her on the phone when I could, but it always ended with her hurting me some way.
Get Off Social Media
If you’re married and you have social media, you are going to have the same friends and family on there. Now, there are two ways you can do this. One, remove people that you feel would cause a wedge in your healing process. You are going to see them posting things about the situation possible and you don’t need to be reminded of anything that will push you back into a hole. Unfollowing them is one way of doing it if you don’t want to cause any issues, but I removed those that I felt would do more harm than good overall.
Two, you can take yourself off of social media altogether, and I highly recommend this one. I did it because with my depression it made things worse in a huge way. The last thing you need to see are people being super happy with their significant other and rubbing it in your face. Yeah, you know they have their problems just like you, but they are dealing with them together.
You are at an emotional moment in your life right now. Your dam can burst at any moment. It is life changing and it is going to hurt, a lot. The best thing for you to do is to sit down and think of a plan to keep you focused every day. Take each day one hour at a time and just focus on that hour. If that one hour goes bad you can work on the next one. That brain of yours, whether you want it to or not, is going to think of the worst possible scenarios you can imagine.
Trying to keep yourself preoccupied with old or new hobbies is definitely a plus. For myself I’ve been practicing my guitar more and I started to pick up reading again. I would also say you should write down your feelings even if you feel you aren’t great at describing them. You don’t have to put it on a blog, like yours truly, but it is nice to put it down on paper or on the computer and really reflect on what is going on in your head.
Just Remember You Are Human, So…
Yeah, so I see you’ve made it this far? You’ve read what is above and you probably think you can actually muscle through this and do the best you can to follow my advice. You won’t. Yeah, you are going to try your best, but you are also going to fail…a lot. You have to expect this though. You need to get back on your feet and keep pushing yourself no matter how many times you fall.
I can’t even follow my own advice half the time because we are humans. Being heartbroken isn’t fun and while we think the other side may still actually want to come back when you realize the sad truth it will help you to move on. There can always be hope, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket.